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EU Canditate Countries, This is Your Roadmap to EU accession (The Copenhagen Criteria)
Prime Minister, the application process of Drakovia to the EU won't be an easy task. But with this report, I hope you'll have a better overview of what's coming for our glorious nation.
The application of Drakovia to the European Union was a brave move from your government.
While our country’s application is thoroughly examined by the EU, it has gained momentum with the war in Ukraine and the need for Europe to stabilise its neighbourhood.
Now that the EU has granted Drakovia candidate status, your government will have to meet a series of criteria to ensure that we can one day join the Union.
These milestones, the so-called “Copenhagen criteria,” must be met by any applicant. Let’s get through them individually and underrstand what Drakovia’s chances are to become an EU member like any other.
The Copenhagen Criteria
Membership requires that candidate country has achieved stability of institutions guaranteeing democracy, the rule of law, human rights, respect for and protection of minorities, the existence of a functioning market economy as well as the capacity to cope with competitive pressure and market forces within the Union. Membership presupposes the candidate's ability to take on the obligations of membership including adherence to the aims of political, economic and monetary union.1
This vague declaration from the Copenhagen Summit in 1993 has been clarified by subsequent EU legislation and decisions over the years. Now, they fall under the following items:
A geographic criteria
Respect for democracy…
the rule of law…
human rights, and…
An economic criteria
Acceptance of the acquis communautaire
Is Drakovia a European country?
This question refers not only to the geographical position of Drakovia but also to its cultural ties to the “main chunk” of Europe—although the EU will probably never admit that this last criterion is a reason for excluding potential candidates.
Dracovia here has all its chances to become an EU member. contrary to Cyprus or Malta, Drakovia is located in Mainland Europe, and contrary to Turkey, most of our territory is located in the European continent. The question of our location close to the Caucasus mountain range might have been met with scepticism, but Georgia was seriously considered a potential candidate with no issue regarding its geographical location.
Therefore it is safe to say that Drakovia is a European country by its geography.
Finally, the cultural ties that Drakovia has with the rest of Europe are evident since we regularly participate in the Eurovision Song Contest.
Drakovia is a real popular democracy for the people
Our institutions are the paramount of democracy.
In Drakovia, the Parliament, elected by the Drakovian people, names a government that makes democratic policies for the good of the state and the people. Under your enlightened leadership for the last 15 years—this is also the same length of Germany’s Angela Merkel power tenure—Drakovia has been a really popular democracy.
The European Union argues, however, that your recent decision to name your cousin as the head of the national broadcasting authority might be a breach of this criteria. However, the Austrian chancellor is also suspected of a similar move, so that’s not a real concern for us.
Drakovia has the highest respect for the rule of law… of our law, that is
The European Union is asking candidate countries that they respect the rule of law.
This is not a problem at all for Drakovia. We have been respecting our laws ever since the Independence from the USSR.
Truth is, we Drakovian are proud of our legal system. Less so of the system of others. In fact, we were known for finding clever ways to circumvent the laws of our past overlords.
But then again, Hungary and Poland disrespect EU law whenever they feel like it. So we don’t think it’s too much of a problem for Drakovia either.
Drakovia is the most virtuous country when it comes to human rights. We just don’t have journalists
This is true, although the European Union think we have to improve a lot.
Technically, we still must ratify the Convention of Istanbul which opposes violence against women. But then again, we’re not the only country in Europe that hasn’t done so, and Turkey, another EU candidate country, left the Convention.
Journalism is not a legal profession in our country, so they rightly end up in jail. Better than in Slovakia, where Robert Fico is suspected to be involved in the murder of a journalist.
Finally, the EU is asking us to step up our migration and asylum system. Drakovia is not located on a migration route, so we don’t really see what’s the problem here. And Europe could learn a thing or two about hospitality from Drakovia.
Monirities? What minorities?
Drakovia is a small people. United through past suffering and a long history of cooperation. So why would the EU ask us to care for and defend minorities’ rights?
Drakovian people speak many dialects, while France killed all its regional languages, for instance. So our assessment is that we’re good enough.
Hopefully, the EU will not ask for more.
Drakovia is ready to adopt the euro: we have the figures
We are on an economic convergence path with the rest of the European Union.
Sure, our economy is rather small, and we don’t have a lot of modern industry. But we’re picking up. Our statistic authority—which you chair, Prime Minister—shows that the figures are all going in the right direction: our debt is close to zero, and our monetary system never has been so stable.
Yet, reports from international organisations insinuate that our data are false, perhaps even distorted. So far, your government denied these accusations.
At this point, we simply hope that we won’t bring another euro debt crisis like Greece started in 2009…
Sure, we’ll adopt your laws… the EU won’t verify anyways
And finally, Prime Minister, we will have to gradually make EU laws into our own legal system, once we become full members of the Union.
Well, have to is a bit of a stretch. Let’s say that we will adopt most of it. For the rest…
For instance: Denmark won’t join the eurozone. Ireland has no intention to enter the Schengen area. Furthermore, many member states are regularly scorned for not implementing EU legislation in time.
If Drakovia is committed to adopting most of the EU laws, I’m sure that we can find ways to delay the ones we… like less.
In any case, the European Commission, the organ charged with verifying the correct adoption of EU legislation in member states, only have limited resources to conduct thorough inquiries.
Assessment: Drakovia is good for EU membership
Dear Prime Minister, I hope that with this report, I could show you that Drakovia has all the chances to become an EU member state quite similar to the current ones.
So don’t worry too much about the reforms that the EU is asking for, I’m sure it’s only for good measure. Anyway, it’s not like accession takes a long time. Your political longevity is well known. I’m sure you’ll still be in power when our glorious nation joins the EU.